My name is Aubrey and I am a 30-year-old dog and angel mama! My husband Chris and I will celebrate our 5 year wedding anniversary 11/2/18. We have been actively TTC Baby Z for over 3 ½ of those years.
We enjoyed our first year of marriage and decided it was time to start trying in January of 2015. We knew it might take a little while to get pregnant due to my PCOS. I knew I had PCOS since I was 14 and had my first cyst rupture. After 6 months of trying with no success, we went to my OBGYN. He prescribed me clomid and told me to lose weight. I started my weight loss and fitness journey in October 2015 with a goal to get healthy in hopes it would help us conceive. (Over the span of a year and a half I lost over 130 pounds, started working out 4-6 days a week, and even ran a half marathon!)
Month after month clomid was not working, and I switched to an OBGYN with more infertility knowledge. He prescribed me femara, with monthly follicle ultrasounds and trigger shot induced ovulation. We had so much hope, my body always responded so well growing follicles, but month after month, we got negative pregnancy tests. The summer of 2016, I had a hysterosalpingogram, my tubes were clear and good. We continued with the femara, monthly ultrasounds and added in menopur shots. May of 2017 rolled around and we still had not gotten a positive pregnancy test. We opted for laparoscopic surgery, and discovered I had endometriosis.
After the removal of my endometriosis, we were so hopeful that this would be it! Month after month went by, nothing happened. No positive pregnancy test in 3 years. After doing some research, I decided to eliminate dairy and animal products from my diet in March 2018. April 9, 2018 after being a week late, I took a pregnancy test. The test line showed up before the control line. This has to be wrong, so I took another. Same thing happened. I took out my one digital pregnancy test I had been saving. Pregnant. I was shaking, crying, and in complete disbelief. It finally happened! I ran out to my husband and showed him the test. After over 3 years of negative test month after month, this was the most amazing feeling. I called my doctor in the morning and had my first HCG draw it was 827. I was exhausted and nauseous all day, and I loved every second of it! Two days later, my HCG was 1416, just shy of the 48 hour doubling time they like but they were happy with the results but wanted me to have it drawn again 4 days later. The nurse called after my third HCG draw, it was 2100 and should have been over 3000. My heart stopped. My doctor had me go in for an ultrasound three long days later. I should have been just over 6 weeks. The ultrasound had me at only 4.5 weeks and only the gestational sac was there. My husband and I were devastated. I went in for another blood draw 3 days after the ultrasound. My HCG only rose to 2400. Two days later, I had another ultrasound to see if there had been any progress with the pregnancy. My compassionate doctor then told us with a tear in his eye that there still was no progress and he was certain there would not be any progress. This pregnancy was not viable. My doctor gave us the option of medication-induced miscarriage, or a D&C. I knew I could not sit at home and wait to miscarry the baby we had waited so long for. We opted for the D&C. April 30, 2018 we said goodbye to our miracle.
The months since our miscarriage have been so difficult. Some days are good, some days are awful and all I do is cry. How can we have waited and prayed for so many months for a baby, to have it taken away? We now get to celebrate a service for our Baby Z in October, and visit Baby Z’s paver in Lullaby Lane at the cemetery. We will be starting our first IVF cycle sometime mid to late October. We are so nervous, anxious, scared, excited and hopeful all at the same time. It is hard to wrap our heads around this being how our journey has taken us.
You can follow Aubrey's journey to mamahood on Instagram at aubreyg1017