My husband and I knew we wanted to start a family soon after we were married in 2014. We did the typical try for a year before further testing, which led to a negative HSG and a referral to the Reproductive Endocrinologist. I had heard of infertility, but had no idea what it really was and NEVER thought it would be part of my story.
I vividly remember our first appointment at the RE in September 2016. My world completely changed that day when we were told we had unexplained infertility. I cried, feeling overwhelmed and confused. I thought to myself, there has to be something else wrong. We had only been trying to get pregnant for a year and now IVF was forcing its way into our vocabulary. I was scared and definitely not prepared, wondering what those words meant for our future. Many of my hopes and dreams were stolen that day. We eventually progressed to having an IUI and a hysteroscopy to remove a polyp. All came back negative, with no new results or a pregnancy.
We were two and a half years into our journey when we learned about FertilityCare. This was the result of God putting the right people in our lives and us being obedient to the direction He was leading us. Making the switch seemed overwhelming because it felt like we were starting over. Essentially, we were as we had to switch healthcare systems and begin new medical treatments. We had many questions, “What if this doesn’t work and we wasted all that time trying something new?” Ultimately, we moved forward with this option because we felt at peace about our decision and chose to Trust God. Period. It wasn’t easy! Through some additional testing we were finally given an explanation as to what was causing us some issues. I had luteal phase defect, which is when your progesterone levels drop in half after ovulation. We started hormone injections of Progesterone and HCG February 2018.
It was also at this time that God began speaking to me about the whole concept of waiting, it’s purpose and how to live in it. Waiting had captivated my heart and mind and I wanted to dig deeper into this idea and what it meant for our lives. I kept asking, “How do I continue living while waiting for my heart’s desire? How do I live in the wait?” I felt God nudging me to start a blog to help others wrestling with this same question, which applies to all of us, not just those going through infertility.
It was September 10, 2018, over 3 years since we initially started trying to get pregnant, when I got the call from our nurse. Due to the hormone injections I was taking, I had to get my pregnancy tests done via bloodwork. The nurse asked me if I had looked at my lab results and I said no. In my mind, I had already moved onto our next cycle. She proceeded to tell me my HCG numbers doubled which meant I had a positive pregnancy test.
As I write this, I’m 25 weeks pregnant and it still feels surreal. I’m surprised every time I see my belly in the mirror. It’s like I forget I’m pregnant because for so long, that little life was never growing inside me. Even though we’ve heard the heartbeat several times and seen her on the ultrasound, I’m still waiting, and will be until she’s in my arms. What we’ve experienced has taught me that this incredible gift and bringing it into the world is not to be taken for granted.
While I’m beyond excited and grateful for our baby girl, my heart still hurts. It’s because I know there are so many of you reading this desiring the same thing. You are fighting back tears, frustrated with your situation and life circumstances. I get it. I don’t have the answers, but God does. He is the only reason I’m able to write this testimony. While we may never know how long our wait will be, I encourage you to Live in the Wait. John 10:10 says, “I have come that they may have life and have to the full.” That’s what God wants for you during your wait. It won’t be easy, but there is so much value to be found during that time. Our wait transformed my life, gave me a new passion and deepened my relationship with God. It took me two and a half years to get to that point, but when I did, God was right there, waiting for me. So, I encourage all of you, especially those with brave dreams of being a mom, to continue Living in the Wait.
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